1. If I could have any random, non-existent ability, it would be the ability to take a picture of a memory I have, and print it out through my mouth. Or, maybe, since I already have this oddity of a mind, I could send the pixels through the air and into my computer and then print it off from there, thus avoiding inevitable paper cuts on my lips.
The specific memory I’ve always wished I had a picture of, is mr. paranoia sitting hunched over in the creek on a submerged log in just his holy boxers, smoking his someteenth cigarette. mm.
2. I’ve always been good at getting guys to take their clothes off in public places. Actually, I think most women would be good at that if they put any effort into it. Guys are natural nudists. And usually horny. Most of the time I keep my clothes on, but it’s less of a tease thing than that. You just needed to put some effort into it too! If I wasn’t attracted to you, I wouldn’t be opting for clothes removal, and if I’m attracted to you there’s a fairly good chance something will happen, unless you decide to hang around my porch at 3 in the morning, at the time unbeknowst to me, and when I later object, accuse me of not being a true fan of the movie Amelie.