1. I mentally bitch-slapped a guy in a porn shop yesterday. He looked at my ID and exclaimed “WOW! You do NOT look that old!” Which totally could have been a compliment if i was 10 years older, but is pretty insulting at the age I’m at. I won’t say what age he SAID I looked, but believe me, not flattering. I usually just smile and “mm” but yesterday I lost control. I stared him down like a cheetah might, and said pointedly, “huh, well, you look like you’re 55 or 60 maybe?” Confused, he said I was way off, he was only 45. “Yeah.” I replied, “But you LOOK 60,” at which point he got it, said “Sorry” like I was the only bitch in this situation, and let me go about my business.
2. When I left, the porn shop man told me he had meant it as a compliment. Nobody is that socially unaware. You tell me I’m too skinny, that I look too young, and then think I’m rude when I stand up for myself. Well fuckk you all up the ass with Jesus. You are the rude ones. You started it. Shut up and leave me alone.
3. If you’re going to take your dick out of me, pull the condom off and cum on my chest, PLEASE for the love of God ask me first. No, you cannot spurt your chauvinistic cum all over my chest without my permission.
4. Jack Daniels + Klondike Bars + hula hoops = best time ever. I highly recommend this combination to anyone at or above the legal drinking age of your location.