Disengaged Woman

bitching to myself.

Yes, Even I Have Stretch Marks. June 2, 2009

1. I’m going to take a moment to rant about body types. I have to say I was inspired partially by Girl With a One Track Mind (See link to the right) and her Food post. It’s great to read something like that because it gives me hope that I’m not the only woman who eats just to eat. And I do eat, I promise. I tend to have the opposite problem she does, genetics has predestined me to be the anorexic of many an ignorant male’s life. If you had ever seen someone with such a serious eating disorder, you would know that I do not look like I’m anorexic. And the very fact that you would tell me I must be in such a pretentious, knowing tone, shows me how little you really care. It’s all about you, and it always was.

2. Although I eat, and I eat a lot, I tend to have many small meals as opposed to two or three large ones. I would eat in front of my ex all the time, but because I didn’t eat as much as he did, (him, the human garbage disposal), I obviously had a problem. He asked me directly several times if I was anorexic, usually while I was eating. I eat exactly like most people, normal speed, normal habits. I don’t pick it apart and eat random bits, spread it around so it looks like there’s less of it on the plate. I just take or order smaller portions, appetizers instead of entrees. I would answer, finishing the taco bell burrito or taking some of his fries, that he must be fucking blind because I was eating right now. Often he replied that, yes, I was eating, but I could always go into the bathroom and throw up after I was done.

First off, different eating disorder. Second, he lived in a tiny studio apartment, you couldn’t do anything in the bathroom quietly. He would have heard. I’m not sure which of us was worse, him for being such an ignorant jerk, or me for staying with him.

3. I wish it hadn’t brought me down, but after awhile you start to feel like you must look weird, stand out everywhere you go, that everyone who sees you thinks “oh my god, she’s too skinny” I AM underweight. I’m 5’3″ and I weigh about 100 pounds. I think that’s maybe 5lbs shy of what I should be? I would love to be my ideal weight, but my body isn’t letting me, and short of eating nutrient dense foods and exercising, I’m not going to hurt myself trying to become whatever I’m supposed to be for the rest of the world to leave me alone.

4. I don’t even get away with just being one of the skinny ones. I remember the first time a certain guy saw me naked, he looked down at my hips and exclaimed, “Wow, even you have stretch marks!” To his credit, he immediately realized he’d said something stupid. But I’m too skinny, too stretched, and now too naked because I’m feeling less confident than I was before…

5. It’s just as rude to tell somebody they are too skinny as it is to tell them they are too fat. It chips away at my self esteem as much as it chips away at anybody elses’, and I’m sorry if other people aren’t treating you the way you deserve to be treated, but I can assure you I was not one of them. Not everybody isn’t going to be happy with how you look, but whose issue is that? It’s their own, and I’d suggest they keep it to themselves.

6. I mean this within reason. There are skinny people and then there are people with serious problems, as eating disorders are. Below is the link to the National Eating Disorders Association website. I’ve found the link for family and friends under Information and Resources to be pretty helpful in the past. I think one reason I’m so passionate about this, besides not enjoying having to deal with rude people, is that making every skinny person anorexic trivializes a serious subject.

Still, it’s probably better to be safe than sorry. =]



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